Is this thing on? Surprised I actually remembered my password. If you want to keep up with me, follow me on Twitter: @and_am
Anyhow, it's been nearly a year since my last update (8 days away from a full year, in fact). Since my last post, I:
- Moved the hell out of my parents' house in the suburbs and into a townhouse in Downtown Phoenix with some friends.
- Received a promotion at work from associate/assistant to account executive a month before my one-year anniversary.
Now that our lease is almost up, we're looking to move to better digs in Downtown/Central Phoenix, but may hold off on that if we can go month-to-month. We moved into the townhouse in the middle of summer and will never make that mistake again. Not unless we hire movers, anyway...
On the work front, I am actively looking for another gig. When I was promoted, I was already looking for another job and even interviewed for a position or two. However, I told myself to give the new role six months. In those six months, some things improved; others not so much.
I've a phone interview later this week with a national ad agency with an office here in Phoenix. I'm particularly excited about this prospective gig since the agency was named one of the top 40 "Best Places to Work in Marketing & Media in 2012" by Ad Age.
I'm also trying to get my foot in the door with a local ad agency, which I've been communicating with via their Facebook page. This agency also excites me since they've been voted one of the best places to work in Phoenix and produce award-winning work for prominent local businesses.
As for the romance area of my life, things are improving, but could be better. I've been hanging out with a guy a former colleague tried fixing me up with a few years ago. We've hung out (and hooked up) a few times since first meeting, but nothing ever came to fruition. Now that he's moved downtown, we've been talking more. We went out last night for a few drinks and came back to my place to watch a movie.
That being said, I don't think we're the best match. He's unemployed, living with his mother, and doesn't even have a car. I'm aware that I wasn't in the best place when I returned from New York, but... we're just not on the same level.
However, I gave him a chance after being honest with him regarding his recent reluctance to hang out. I get the feeling he was feeling the same way about being in different places in our lives. While we were out last night, we talked about what he's doing to improve his life, so maybe things will turn around for him soon and we will be on the same level eventually.
So that's where I'm at compared to last year. Things have gotten better, but there's always room for improvement. See you in 2013, LiveJournal.
My much anticipated return to New York was utterly exhausting, but in a very good way. I was very fortunate to be in the city the night of the historical gay marriage vote, and even more fortunate to be invited to march in the Pride parade that weekend. I don't think I've ever seen so much cheer and positive energy in my life. Plus, marching in the parade was much needed self-esteem boost.
It was great to catch up with my friends, despite some dramatic events, and make new ones along the way. However, after my visit, I'm not sure if New York is for me anymore. I can't quite put my finger on it, but it just didn't feel the same. After a while, I was more than ready to go home. Getting home was an odyssey in itself (two cancelled flights AND nearly getting stranded in SLC), but that's a story for another time.
Given the right opportunity, I would move back to New York, but I no longer feel the need to aggressively pursue a permanent return. Perhaps that'll change in the near future, but for now, Phoenix is where I'll be. And it no longer pains me to be here.
On the work front, a colleague went on maternity leave last week and I've now inherited her duties while she's away. While initially stressful, I'm finding director duties to be a good change of pace. Not thrilled about some aspects of the transition (compensation, expectations from superiors), but I think it'll be a good experience. Besides, how many companies would trust an associate to take over for a director after only six months with the company?
I'm hoping that this experience will aid me in finding another position in the future. Not sure what's for me, but I know it's not media/event sales. Once my year is up, I'll be looking for another job.
The events of the past year have taken a toll on me, so much that I am now looking into counseling. According to my research, I may be dealing with depression and anxiety. While I thought that things were finally turning around for me, it seems that they might not be after all.
In January, I finally landed a media job as a sales associate for a business-to-business magazine for the telecommunications industry. The team I work with is a great team, my salary is good, plus I get to travel twice a year (I went to Las Vegas last month for our spring expo and I'm going to Chicago in August for the fall expo).
However, as I'm approaching my 90 day review, I'm beginning to think I'm not a good fit for the position. The position calls for me to support media and event sales efforts, qualify and follow up on leads, and close new business. While I have media sales experience, it wasn't the core of my experience.
I took the position because, at the time, I thought I wanted to take my career in a new direction, since I was going nowhere with writing/editing. However, I haven't closed on anything in weeks. I'm struggling to grasp my sales duties and our products. Today, I had to work with our publisher for almost two hours because my proposals for a new product were not up to par.
I'm dealing with an incredible amount of anxiety, but trying to focus on the positive, that I finally have a real job and a supportive (albeit overbearing sometimes) boss. My administrative support has been called an asset and even drew the praise of our chief executive officer and chief financial officer at the spring expo last month.
But I'm not a good salesman and I feel guilty about letting the team down. I just don't know what to do. Grin and bear it? Lay out my concerns during the review to determine my future with the magazine?
On a different subject, the guy that was the subject of my last entry turned out to be a colossal douchebag. He stood me up one night, and seeing as nothing was exclusive, I met another guy for drinks instead of going home.
Drinks Guy ended up meeting someone at the bar more interesting, and while he was ignoring me, the douchebag texted me, saying he was taking himself out of the scene to "center himself." I called him out (it was clear that he met someone else) and dusted my hands of the situation, which was rough because I thought he had great potential.
Believing that the third one's the charm, I met another guy for a drink the following night. I should've known better when he told me he was a hairstylist. It was the most awkward 45 minutes of my life, 45 minutes that felt more like two hours.
Strike one, strike two, strike three; I'm out. I'm done dating and looking for love. If it wants to find me, then so be it, but I'm not holding my breath, especially the way things have been going.
Trying to ignore the above situations and the associated depression and anxiety, I've been turning to the bottle a lot lately. Friends have pointed out to me that all my Foursquare check-ins and a majority of my Facebook updates have involved bars, clubs and/or alcohol. I've put myself in dangerous situations, getting behind the wheel drunk several times in recent weeks.
Tonight, my father confronted me about my drinking. He struggled with alcoholism since he was a teenager, but due to a blessing in disguise, he has been sober for nine years this July. His alcoholism cost him a lot and he told me he would hate to see me have to pay the same price he did.
In an effort to change my direction, I'm cutting back on my drinking and going out. I'll still have fun from time to time, but it's time for me to grow the fuck up.
So there they are, all my cards are out on the table. I'm reaching out for help and I hope I find it, along with the inner-peace that I haven't had in a long time.
I'm 25 years old and I've never been in love. That changes this year.
Two weeks ago, I met a guy on Grindr and after only a few days of conversing, we met for our first date. Thankfully, a girl in a bridal party at the bar helped break the ice and we had what was probably the best first date I've ever been on. Drinks at one bar, then dancing (and maybe some kissing/friskiness) until 3 a.m. at a club, followed by breakfast.
Yesterday, we met for our second date. He opened up to me over sangria and Latin food, revealing some interesting facts about himself. He's 46, a fact which he disclosed during our first date, but he doesn't look older than 34. But the bombshell was that he has a son, a son that's two years older than me. While some would find both those facts off-putting, I appreciated his honesty and listened to his hellacious story of raising a child with a born again Christian.
Afterwards, we went to Macy's, as he needed to pick up a few items, items which included underwear. He insisted on buying me a pair of Emporio Armani trunks, which I thought was bizarre, but never did I feel uncomfortable or pressured to do anything in return for them. Though, I did say I'd wear them on our next date.
We then headed to an outdoor bar that was gay hipster central. Luckily, the weather was beautiful and the gay hipsters provided great people watching. At one point, he told me that he enjoyed "this," just being out with me on a Sunday afternoon having drinks and soaking up the sun. He was partnered to someone for eight years and towards the end, his partner didn't want to do anything with him, not even grocery shopping. So being out and about with someone was something he definitely missed.
Unfortunately, the date had to come to an end, so he took me back to my car, which we left at the restaurant. I kissed him good night and made tentative plans to go dancing again on Saturday. He said he definitely would like to go to Pride with me in two weeks.
While it is premature to really make any determinations, I think there's potential. I'm just going to take it slow and see what develops.
I'm hopeful that 2011 is the year I finally experience love.
On a different note, I was right up against the b-stage for Lady Gaga last weekend. A-FUCKING-MAZING
. An experience I will never forget.
I'll be seeing Janet Jackson this Friday with my mother and Kylie Minogue with a good friend in Los Angeles in May. Can't wait!
- Music:Janet Jackson - Go Deep
Does anybody read LiveJournal anymore?
If so, I'll post an update about how my life has gone post-New York.
After many years of saying I'm going to move to New York, i finally did it. Today marks one week since I arrived in the city.
During my last trip here in February, my friend, Tony, had a neighbor, Estelle, who was looking to rent a spare room. I took her up on her offer, gave my notice at work, and packed my bags for the move.
The hardest thing about leaving Phoenix was parting from my family, especially since our bond grew stronger as a result of my dad accepting my sexuality. Before going through security at PHX, my parents gave me cards and the messages inside made me and them break into tears. I checked back numerous times while in the security line to see if they were still there, where they did indeed remain until I cleared security and turned the corner to proceed to my gate.
In the week that I've been here, I've had a great time. From partying until dawn in Hell's Kitchen with Tony to going out for dinner and drinks with Estelle (who graciously paid for everything), New York has been good thus far. Plus, I'm meeting quite a lot of people in the process.
When I'm not out and about, my days are filled with sending resumes out to every employer offering jobs in my field. Estelle says I've been hard on myself, that I spend too much time applying for jobs. So, taking her advice, I'm cutting back on the job hunting tomorrow and heading out to the free museums on the island.
Homesickness is getting to me, though. Part of the reason why I left Phoenix was the lack of jobs in my area, and now that I've left, there are jobs aplenty. In the back of my head, I'd like to see if I can get a job back home and return, but that would be giving up too early. Thoughts of returning home come to me whenever I have time to think, so I'm doing everything possible to keep myself busy.
I'm giving myself three months to get on my feet and make a life for myself here. I have faith everything will work out for me.
And if things don't work out, I can always go back home. If it did come to that, at least no one can say I didn't try to make things work in New York.
- Music:Kylie Minogue - "White Diamond"
For everyone left behind, there will eventually be consolation, however scant right now, in a body of work whose power will never die.